sometimes i dont do things just because i dont want someone to think i'm doing it just for them. i dont want to do something and feel like i'm doing it to make someone tell me i'm good, or congratulate me or something. it just doesnt feel right. somethings....i just have to do alone. for myself. to make myself feel like i've accomplished something. if not, i feel like its pointless. if i do it for someone else to see i'm greedy and i dont feel the same. that may not be the case, but nomatter what i tell myself, thats my brain insists on believing. thats why i dont sing in front of people, or play guitar, or practice my saxophone. thats why i write poems and things in a notebook and hide it so no one reads them. and it also may be because i dont want to think its good, and then someone tell me i'm not as good as i thought i was. i'd rather not make a fool of myself. i like having that good feeling inside, doing things no one knows about. i like to vacuum with out my mom noticing, or make my brother food all the time. i just dont want attention. i dont like to be noticed. most of the time. on some ocasions i dont mind if all eyes are on me, but sometimes i just want to be myself for myself. this is probably just all ramblings...but oh well. i'm getting stuff out of my brain.